Someday I'll Be Perfect

It's really hard for me to post this, but I know it's what's best for me.

I'm going to miss all the great friends I've made.

But what I'm not going to miss is TRYING to eat less.

When I'm not TRYING then I have no problem eating under 600 cals everyday.

TRYING to not eat isn't a healthy way to be.

OK, any ED isn't healthy, but it's even worse if you're TRYING to have it.

No, I'm not going into recovery.

I don't feel as if I'll EVER really want to eat 'right'.

All I want is to leave the pro-ED/ED supportive groups.

Because for some reason, trying to be the way I am seems wrong.

All I want is to stop beating myself up when I do 'bad'.

It nearly seems like coming into these pro-ED/ED supportive things has nearly pushed me into recovery.

Why? I don't know, all I know is I'm not ready to recover and if I continue in these groups I may just do that, nearly unconciously.

Maybe it's my rebellious side, maybe that's what pushes me to eat when I'm TRYING to not eat anything all day.

But without TRYING, some days I just eat nothing simply because I know deep down that nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Good luck to all my friends in your weight loss. I hope you all can eventually get to where you want to be.

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